Reality Bytes

Rina. Her name is the only special thing he knows about her. He could have known more but he never tried. One cannot blame him though. He is just a simple guy—nothing special, not one striking characteristic to show off. And she is at the pedestal.

"Ah, she’s ano pala eh. She’s out of your league…" "Wake up… wake up… you’re dreaming!" "Marami namang iba jan eh…" He is sick and tired of all the things he has been hearing about his rather romantic illusion. But he knew deep inside that his illusion cannot overcome reality. Just not yet. Not now. He is helpless.

What can he do? He thinks about her everyday and he daydreams about a blooming romance. He cannot get her out of his head. He suddenly shifts his movie genre from action to love stories. And he does not care if they are the mushy ones most guys hate. Love moves anyone indeed. But in a situation where he is now, he is very much helpless.

He acts like an amateur stalker. One glance, two glances at his Helen of Troy is not enough. He follows her, tracks her schedule, goes at her favorite hangouts, and does everything to get as close to her as possible. But he cannot face her nor introduce himself to her. His wobbly knees are too much to overcome. Every time he fails to utter even just a single word to her, a searing pain squeezes his heart. Like a stone instantly cracking into sand, he is helpless.

But reality bites. No, reality slowly eats wandering souls. Unless he finds a way to get out of this deep hole he dug for himself, he is bound to lose the vigor that is in itself generated out of nowhere—like a spark flinching from space. And as he blindly veers away from the stark truth: the eventual dying out of the ecstatic feeling he firmly possesses right now, he is helpless.

He is afraid of rejection—of being doused with cold water and of being humiliated by reality. He knows his lessons in probability just too well. There is just no chance, he says to himself. Yes, he hopes for something to happen. But at the same time, he is helpless.

Rina. Rina. Rina… He whispers in the dark when he could have shouted in the open. He glances at her face when he could have looked her in the eye. He follows her secretly when he could have held her hand and guided her through the rain. He dreams when he could have stepped into reality.